Feed Me

Over a year ago, I started to feel starved. I felt that my spirit was starved. I had such a hunger and craving to have relationships with godly women. To be able to come together over the common bond of Jesus. So...a ball started rolling and I sat idly by and watch the ball roll and gain speed and then, as Asher says, the ball went down, down, down, down.
The last few months I have been DEVOURING devotional books. Lysa TerKeurst is one of my new favorites and of course Beth Moore is phenomenal. I feel so connected with these women that I have never met except on the pages of a book. I long so much to feel that connection with other young women face to face.
The more I have thought about "what I need" in my spiritual walk I realize I have become a spectator in my relationship with Christ and with other Christians. I am waiting for someone else to initiate contact, to start the ball rolling. I am waiting for some spectacular sign that Jesus is present, that he wants to meet with me. I don't need a spectacular sign everyday, I have His Word and His promise that he desires a relationship with me.
 I have worked hard for everything I've had in life. My parents provided me with many opportunities, but I had a choice to take advantage of the opportunity or allow it to pass me by. Today, I will chose to take advantage of the opportunities afforded me. I will not let them pass me by. I will chose to wake up each day and be awesome for God's glory.

Choices

Well, I have started several blog posts over the last few months and maybe posted 1.
Jana=horrible blogger :(
I always have so much to say, but want to say if perfectly. I want someone to read my blog and be moved, to feel like they can conquer the day. I don't know why I feel like this. Maybe because I read so many other blogs that make me feel that way and I want to contribute. So I think that if I just start fresh and write about whatever I want, whatever is going on at the moment, updating our family adventures and goings on and maybe I will maybe reach someone in some way.
This year instead of making a New Year's Resolution about weight loss or physical appearance or anything tangible I decided to do something for my "insides."
My 2013 New Year's Resolution is to make better choices. Everything from the things that I allow myself to read, watch, eat, think and say. I'm going to chose to be better. I'm going to chose to be happier. I'm going to chose to love more. I'm going to chose to eat healthier. I'm going to chose patience and kindness and gentleness.
I know I'm going to fall short, it's human nature, but I will chose to get back up again. I will not let one failure ruin this year and this resolution for me. Already, I have seen victories and failures. I have made choices to spend time with the Lord instead of reading my "for fun" books. I've chosen to lash out at a loved one instead of swallowing my words before saying them. Each day I will have a choice to be victorious or be defeated. I am hoping that as the year goes on I will see more victories than failures and that a heart change and perspective change will start to happen. I hope that things will turn around for my little family. I hope that this year will bring many more blessings than last year, but I hope that when trials come I will chose to respond with thanksgiving and praise.
Yesterday's sermon was about rejoicing and giving thanks through trials. Wow, did this hit home. I sometimes feel like my world is crumbling around me and more times than not I cry and whine and complain and never seek God. Our family went through some rough things in 2012, but it could have been worse. We are very fortunate to have a loving and supportive family. We never went without anything...How selfish of me to think my world was crumbling when there are so many who go hungry and homeless. I was reminded yesterday that I have one thing I can always be thankful for, my salvation. I may go through trials here on earth, but I have a loving God who is preparing a mansion in Heaven for his children. The greek word in 1Peter 1:6 for rejoice has a feeling of excessive or exuberant joy. I looked up what exuberant means; joyously, unrestrained enthusiastic. Peter says to GREATLY rejoice.
Even as I'm typing this, my two year old climbs into my lap just to give me a hug. How can I not rejoice for what God has given me on earth AND what he is preparing for me in eternity.
Today, I'm going to chose to be thankful for my day with Asher and that I will get to spend one last evening with my parents before going back to Maryland.
God is good and I can rejoice in that!

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.