Too Busy

Wow! We have been way too busy in this house. I started teaching a biology class, I've gained 3 pitching students and a whole team taking hitting lessons. It is nice to stay busy, but when I don't get a day of rest from all of our craziness I have a huge meltdown!
Asher is the busiest 14 month old I've ever met! He is in to everything, he climbs on everything, he explores everything. He is the ultimate adventurer. He still isn't talking, but he tries to say words. The most understandable being car and dog. He also knows the sound a car and dog make. He is a dancing maniac! ANY music that comes on he's dancing. He loves to play with musical toys and anything that can make a lot of noise. He is becoming much more self-sufficient. He climbs in and out of chairs, up and down off the couch he even gets himself in and out of the bath tub. I can't believe my little baby is growing so fast. I'm so thankful that he is a cuddler and enjoys our evening routine of laying on the couch together while he drinks his bottle. I definitely understand now that you don't think you could ever love another baby as much as your first. It makes me scared to have anymore kids.
Kenny is working at a pawn shop and doing really well. He's such a salesman. We're also trying to find a house to rent so our lives can be a little more organized.
That's everything going on with us lately. I thought that once our busy travel season was over things would slow down, but I was VERY wrong!

Asher was the ring bearer at a friend's wedding, he's the man!

Mommy and Asher took the Gator out for a spin. We had to take advantage of the pretty day, we may not get many more.

All three of us dressed up at the wedding. It was so neat for our whole family to be a part of it. Thanks Jess and Ryan!

Life Goes On

I am so thankful that even when we don't chose God's perfect plan for us he still works things out for our good, to bring glory to himself.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  {Romans 8:28}

When I make mistakes, God can use them. When I choose the right thing, God uses it.
It is so hard to know when you're hearing God's voice or when its your own fears, frustrations, anxieties getting in the way. I read recently that so often we spend all of prayer time doing all of the talking and we never take time to stop and listen to what God has to say to us. God's voice is so easy to miss, its so quiet that its easy for my own voice to drown him out. No wonder his word tells us to "be still." His voice is like the barely blowing breeze, gently rustling the leaves of the trees. Sometimes its loud and clear like the winds of a hurricane, but so often it is not that easy to hear.
Its even harder to hear his voice when I have a toddler running around. How do you get time to sit still and listen? How do you find time to meditate on His word? I guess this is where my "time management" skills need to start being used. Its funny I can find time to wake up early and work out to take care of my physical needs, but I don't spend any of that early morning time taking care of my spiritual needs. Hmmm, maybe its time for some change. If I can wake up 30 minutes earlier to get my run in, what's an extra hour to get my spiritual jog on?
So, I'm thankful. Thankful for God's guidance. Thankful for His truths. Thankful for God's Word. Thankful that God can use my "ranting" in this blog to make lightbulbs go off :)

So Sick

Decision making has never been my strong point. It literally makes me sick, especially when the decision affects more than just myself. It's even more difficult when you are deciding what is best for your family's well-being. How do you know when God is giving you a definite yes? How do you know when He is giving you a definite no? How do you know that feeling in your gut is just fear of change. Is it really the fear of change or is it God telling you don't move, the timing is not right? Do you risk failure because its something you wanted? Do you follow through because you started this process and you don't want to be a quitter?
I hate making decisions so much that most of the time I will leave it up to someone else. I even ask Kenny what I should wear so I don't have to think about it.
All along I did what I thought I needed to do to get us to a better place. As I'm evaluating and trying to iron out details, I'm realizing what is really important to me. Children change who you are. They don't change the desires of your heart, but that put those desires and goals in perspective. God made women special and gave us special hearts to be mommies. He gave us the soft-spot that would allow us to put our children above everything else in our life. It teaches to be self-sacrificing, even when its difficult. Having children, unfortunately, doesn't make decision making easier. It actually makes it harder. You are no longer only affecting you and a spouse, but someone who cannot fend for themselves.
I don't know if there is anything in life I hate more :)

Family Update

Well, Asher's birthday has come and gone. We had such a blast, but it was a lot of hard work and we still have his Houston party to go. I'm so glad that his cousin Kayden was able to come from Pennsylvania. They had so much fun playing in the pool and the slip n slide.

He wasn't sure what to do with his cake. He's so cautious, he just looked at it for a couple minutes before finally testing it. He eventually had two fist-fuls of cake and finally just dove in face first.

Now we're in Houston to celebrate his birthday with our Texas family. He's so busy and in to everything, my mom has gone crazy baby-proofing everything. This morning he climbed down the stairs all by himself. He is becoming such a big boy. Asher loves being in Houston. His Gigi and Papa spoil him rotten!



Stronger

Today I experienced some extreme emotion stirring, some questioning about how I feel deep down inside myself. I feel like I'm turning into such an angry person. I've worked so hard for so long to turn turn the energy it takes to be angry and putting that energy into my relationship with God. Finally at 20 years old I figured out that if I work on my relationship with God that He will help me be able to control my anger. All of a sudden I'm in a place where I feel so out of control that my anger is creeping back in. I realized today that when I let anger creep back in I'm allowing Satan to have a stronghold in my life. It turns Kenny from being my teammate into the opponent. Unfortunately for him, my "wrath" gets unleashed on him. I know that he doesn't deserve it, but it never fails that you unleash on those who love you most. I know that he will love me unconditionally so I'm not afraid for him to see this ugly, dark part of myself.
There are so many things I'm dealing with emotionally, physically, situationally... I'm someone who always needs a challenge that can be overcome. I need hurdles that I can jump successfully. I'm finally overcoming my physical problems and getting my body back. I know that once I mend my relationship with God my emotional problems can be overcome. Our situation; however, I do not have any control over. It involves more than just myself. I can't just do what I need to do and what I think is best. Kenny and I have to be a team, we have to work together, communicate and make decisions together about what is best for our family. It is so hard to take two very independent, strong-willed, passionate people and make them one. I have to let go. I have to hand the reigns over (or at least one of them) and make decisions with two other people in mind, and WITH one other person.
One thing I know that will make this all okay is that God has been, will always be with me through every step of it. I know that he will guide me and my family. He will help us make the tough decisions and he will reward us for trying our best to bring Him honor and glory through everything. He has already shown us through Asher that His timing and His plans are impecable and that we have every reason to trust Him. We are doing our best to trust Him and follow Him as a pair, but first we have to take the "I" out of "team".
On a last note, I hope that this song will speak to someone the way it spoke to me today.

SO Beyond Blessed <><

Too, too fast!

In only 7 days Asher will be one year old. I can't believe how fast time has gone, and how much he has grown. He's gone from a 9lb 6oz 21" newborn to a 25lb 32" little boy. He has gone from crying, sleeping, eating and pooping to playing cars, talking on the phone and almost running. I've tried so hard to capture every memory and every milestone on paper and in photo, but now that the 1st year is almost gone I feel like I failed to get everything down.
As for the rest of us, Kenny and I are looking for jobs and houses. We have to get out of this basement. Speed Racer, Adventure Man isn't going to last here for very long. He's into everything. Always breaking something. There just aren't enough places to hide things here and its even worse when we go upstairs. He cannot be contained! I know that its all in God's timing, but its so hard to wait and even harder to know what he's telling you. How do I keep my emotions out of the way? Decision making is one of the hardest, most hated things I've ever had to do.

My Giant Baby

When most people look at Asher they think that he is already well over a year old. He turns 1 on July 29. He's already 32" and is able to reach EVERYTHING! I can't put things on the kitchen table to put them out of reach, nothing on the bed is out of reach. I'm running out of places to hide things! He pushes any buttons he sees, including the DVD player in the middle of a movie. He's so curious about everything that he can't stand to not be able to see it. He broke a bottle yesterday, and its not the first time he's pulled something breakable off of a table.

He also has become a dancin' machine! Anytime he hears music he dances, even to my silly made up songs. The best yet was him dancing while I sang about cleaning him up after dinner. It made clean up more difficult, but it was so much fun.

He hugs and kisses and is the most loving, happy little boy. He brings Kenny and me so much joy. There is no doubt in my mind that God knows what we need before we know we need it!

Beyond Blessed
Jana<><

Dumb bells, softball gloves and cardboard boxes

These are just a few of the items Asher has played with today and he's only been awake for 2 hours! I am amazed at him. One day he pulls ALL of his toys out of the toy box and the next he turns his nose up at his toys. He is so full of curiosity that everything becomes a toy. The laundry basket, the clothes in the laundry basket, everything becomes a car. He makes the best car sounds for an 11 month old.

I am very thankful that he enjoys playing with books. He can't sit still long enough for me to read them to him, but I'll take him just playing with them.

Asher has definitely turned into Mr. Destructo! If he can reach it he will pull it down, breakable or not. He tries to climb in the dish washer, he takes every phone within reach. Nothing is safe anymore. He is so smart and works so hard to figure it all out. I just LOVE my baby boy, even when he doesn't let me get my "chores" done!

All on God's Timetable

How do you know when you're making the right decision? How is it possible to be still enough to hear God's voice? How do we know what opportunities to say no to and when to say yes? Do we take what's being placed in our laps or do we wait for something bigger and better to come along?
Decision making has never been something I'm good at, especially now that I have to think about what is best for my family. Of course I want the best for them, but I also want what's best for me and for my career. Career choice would be so much easier if we didn't have a baby to think about now also, if I didn't have to worry about whether or not Kenny could find a job wherever I get a job. Universities are not always in big cities where business is "booming". Well, as booming as it can be in this economy. Do I pass up a job opportunity, waiting for the better one to come along, in the mean time allowing my family to depend on just one income? Do we wait it out and continue living in this constantly shrinking basement?
I've never been very good at being still. I've never been good at patiently waiting to hear God's voice. When I decide I want something I go after it with all I have and I can't wait for the end results. At least I know that God wants what is best for his children, and I know without a doubt that I am a beloved child of God.
So as I wait, impatiently, I will meditate on Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to propser you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Things, they are a changin'

Change is such a scary thing. The uncertainty it brings turns my stomach to knots. I know it is necessary and we have to always be moving forward, getting better, wanting better. Kenny started a new job last week which has been a huge adjustment for me after a year of having him at home with me everyday. I sent out my first application for a new job yesterday and while I hope that I do find my new, perfect job I am nervous about moving somewhere that I know no one. It's been so long since I did it. I'll be starting over AGAIN. I've done this so many times in my life and I pray that my children don't have to move all over the country every few years like I did. I experienced a lot of wonderful things and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but emotionally it was tough.
So, things that have happened since my last post...Asher and I spend two weeks in Houston where he learned how to say dog and Papa and he took his first steps. I have started working on a book. CRAZY! I'm so passionate about what I teach and I could talk and talk and talk about it so I decided that I would put it in writing. I feel like so many people are done a disservice by their pitching coaches, mostly because men don't understand the female figure, that I want to revolutionize pitching. I know that's not likely going to happen, but every pitcher is going to have her own pitching style and something that works for her. I really feel that my style of teaching will work for ANYONE! I'm so excited about my book, but not excited about all of the studying and research I will have to do to make it happen. I'm going to need my physics and biomechanics to be sound otherwise my theory is invalid. I know its going to take a while for it to be finished, but I'm so excited and I can't wait!

Until next time...I'm beyond blessed!
Jana <><

Alive!

Happy Easter to everyone! I'm so thankful that Easter for us (my family) is about so much more than a bunny rabbit who leaves a basket full of goodies. Easter is about more than hunting for colored eggs hidden in the yard, it's about more than stuffing yourself full of ham and other delicious food. I am thankful that I celebrate today a risen Savior, my Jesus who conquered the grave. I celebrate, today, the resurrection of Jesus after death on the cross and three days in a tomb that was covered by a stone so heavy that a single man could not roll it away. I am amazed at the power and love that Easter commemorates. Jesus showed His love for us by dying a horrible, agonizing death on the cross. He showed his power by being raised, ALIVE on the third day. All of this so that all of the world can have eternal life, so that all of the world can spend eternity in Heaven, so that the world does not have to spent eternity in the Lake of Fire. How can anyone not want to know more about this? How can anyone not want to have hope and put faith in something that promises so much? What does anyone have to lose by believing that Jesus paid our way to Heaven, that He is THE way to Heaven? Nothing, yet you have everything to gain!

Thank you Jesus for being the perfect sacrifice for me. Without your sacrifice I would not be able to spend eternity in Heaven. THANK YOU!

My iPhone and my God

Hello, my name is Jana and I'm an iPhone addict. HAHA! My iPhone is actually one of the best tools in my tool bag. I have apps that help me as a mommy, apps that help me as a softball coach and apps that help me grow closer to my God. One of my favorite apps is the YouVersion Bible app. It includes several reading plans tailored to wherever you are in your walk. I always try to read the Bible straight through from Genesis to Revelation, but it never flows to me... my science brain needs it to be chronological. And what do you know, the app has a chronological reading plan. It plans everything out so that it should take you 1 year to read it. I'm not quite as quick as I'd like to be or as diligent at reading it daily, but God always has us do the right things at the right time. I just finished reading the entire book of Job, something I've never done before, when one of the teen girls asked me if you can be angry with God. 9 times out of 10 I don't know the answer and I look to my concordance to try to find the answer, but God knew that I would need to be able to answer this question. It amazes me when he does something that makes His Word real-life, like equipping us to do our "job."
It's things like this that make me love my God more than I already do. He is always there for His children and he prepares us for every situation.

Beyond Blessed,
Jana<><

Clap, clap, clap!

Asher is learning and growing so fast. I think he is finally starting to copy us! I taught him to clap yesterday and now he claps about everything. He claps for himself standing, sitting, drinking his bottle... You name it he claps for it. It's so awesome to see him learn and figure things out on his own.
He is teething and having seasonal allergies which equals no sleep for this Mama! I feel so bad for him. His nose gets so full he can't breathe which keeps him awake at night. Yet, he remains happy during the day.

Too Busy!

In the past week we have flown to Florida and played 10 games, done to Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom, learned to walk while holding on to things, gotten TWO new teeth and learned to throw a temper tantrum. Our lives, to say the least, are very busy. Asher is growing leaps and bounds and learning so fast. He tries to pull everything off of tables and shelves and I think he is developing a fear of the dark. Just like any little one, he puts everything in his mouth and is trying to discover the world around him. Kenny and I are working very hard to get everything out of reach. This task is much harder than you would think. Our small little living space does not have much room for storing things out of reach for a small giant.
I am right in the thick of softball season which means many 12 hour days a week. As fast as Asher is growing and learning I'm afraid I will be missing out on a lot of firsts. Thankfully we have iPhones and a brand new video camera to capture all of these firsts. I'm so excited for Asher's development but the Mommy in me wants him to stay just the way he is.

Florida, Here We Come!

We leave for Florida in just two days! I'm so excited to be in the warm sunshine for 7 days, see my mom and brother and take Asher to Disneyworld! I know he won't remember anything, but it is still exciting. Traveling with babies is so much more work than I ever would have imagined. Trying to decide what to have him wear, what toys he will want to play with, making sure I have all the food/diapers/milk he will need. Luckily, we don't have to check all of Asher's stuff on the plane. I am so thankful for the trailer that is going to Florida with all of the softball equipment.

Our Life Lately

It's been a while since I posted anything and so much has happened. Asher is crawling and standing and taking steps while holding our hands. I can't believe how fast everything is moving now. It won't be long till he's too busy running to let me hold and cuddle him.
Our house is in the full swing of craziness. Softball season makes life move so much faster. I have decided that once softball really gets in your blood there's no turning back. I've been doing this for 20 years and I can't imagine my life without it. I am so thankful for the athletic ability that God has given me and the opportunity I have to turn it into a career. Coaching is definately not playing, but the chance I get to pass my knowledge of the game on to a new generation of softballers is a privelage I don't take lightly.
Kenny has just two more semesters of school left and I can't wait! This has been such a long, emotional, frustrating process. I will be glad to see it go away! He will be started his job hunt soon and I can't wait to see what God has in store for our family. I can't wait to be able to be on our own and not be "faking" anymore. I am so appreciative of his grandparents for helping us out so much, but it can be very difficult. Living in a basement with no kitchen and no laundry room is so hard with a baby. I am glad that Kenny is starting to see that men can live in a single room as long as they have all of their things, but women need places and space and organization. I can't wait to have my own little place to decorate and clean and take care of.
We go on the road to Florida on Sunday and I can't wait to be in the sunshine. This Texas girl is not cut out for this cold weather. March should be warm!

Love the LORD your God

My previous post was all about how to love God more so that he will infiltrate every piece of you life and become and easy topic of conversation with your children. I found it so interesting today that Pastor Wally referenced Deut 6:5, which is the beginning of the verse that Beth Moore quoted in her book Feather From My Nest. This must really be something that God is trying to get through my head for it to come up so many times. I know that with such a young little one I am constantly thinking about how I'm really going to raise him. There isn't much raising to be done yet since he doesn't understand anything, but that time will come sooner than I would like. He already has such a curiosity and I hope that he has that same curiousity when he starts learning about God. I pray that he will love him fervently, but I know that I will play a very important role in whether or not he takes interest in it. I've been so challenged by this topic.

 ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.  Deut 6:5-9

Dreading Saturday

It seems like Saturday has been looming over me like a dark rain cloud for the past week. I always hate having to get on a plane back to Baltimore. I worry sometimes that it may sound like I don't want to see Kenny, but I hate leaving my family. I just wish we lived closer to them. It is especially hard now that we have Asher. My parents love him so much and I hate that they don't get to spend more time with him. I keep praying and praying that God will move us closer. As irrational as it is, it almost seems more fair to me if neither or our parents (Kenny's and mine) live super close to us so that they get "equal" time with Asher, or at least have the same opportunities to see them. It's so hard having to fly 3 hours to see my parents and it's not always easy on us financially so I end up staying for a long time to make it worth our money. I don't know if this is better or if it's harder on everyone involved. Kenny misses out on things because he's not with us the whole time and then its harder on my parents and me when we have to leave. I wish there was an easy solution to all of this!
We have had an awesome time while we've been here. I'm not looking forward to the cold weather that will greet us on Saturday night. I'm very worried about having to get Asher out of the house when it's so cold. I've been living in MD for three years and I still don't know how to dress myself when it's cold out!
I am so going to miss the warm weather and being able to put Asher in his stroller for a walk everyday, and I don't mind not having to deal with the hills! Oh well, I guess I just have to be patient and trust in God's plan for our family.

Love

I've been reading Beth Moore's book Feathers From My Nest. I started not too long after Asher was born, and as busy as he keeps me I've made little progress in it. The most recent chapter I read was about teaching our children/family about God. How He can be woven into every day conversations, how a car ride to the store, church, etc. can be used as teaching time. Those of us He has called to be parents He has also called to be teachers. Beth made such an excellent point about how we can interject God into every activity and every conversation. When we love someone or something we talk about it all the time, we don't even need to think about how we can bring that person or thing into the conversation. If its so easy to bring our children, spouses, jobs and hobbies into a conversation then why do we have to TRY to bring God into the conversation. If we try everyday to fall more in love with the God who loves us enough to sacrifice His own son, His flesh and blood on the cross for our sins it will make this teaching task so much easier.
Beth's chapter on this so spoke to my heart! I know that Asher is not old enough to understand anything I say to him, but if I can make it a habit to tell him about God as a baby how much easier will it be when he's old enough to understand? I know this is so much easier said than done, but it makes you think about how much or how little time we spend getting to know God better.
I guess this is one more goal I can add to my list for 2011!

Snapfish!

Snapfish is running a promotion right now. 99 4x6 photos printed for $.99! Just enter the code: 2011penny at checkout. Its good until January 9, 2011

Hope everyone is enjoying their new year so far. I am constantly setting new goals for myself for this year and with God's help I'll reach each one of them!

Beyond Blessed,
Jana<><