Decision making has never been my strong point. It literally makes me sick, especially when the decision affects more than just myself. It's even more difficult when you are deciding what is best for your family's well-being. How do you know when God is giving you a definite yes? How do you know when He is giving you a definite no? How do you know that feeling in your gut is just fear of change. Is it really the fear of change or is it God telling you don't move, the timing is not right? Do you risk failure because its something you wanted? Do you follow through because you started this process and you don't want to be a quitter?
I hate making decisions so much that most of the time I will leave it up to someone else. I even ask Kenny what I should wear so I don't have to think about it.
All along I did what I thought I needed to do to get us to a better place. As I'm evaluating and trying to iron out details, I'm realizing what is really important to me. Children change who you are. They don't change the desires of your heart, but that put those desires and goals in perspective. God made women special and gave us special hearts to be mommies. He gave us the soft-spot that would allow us to put our children above everything else in our life. It teaches to be self-sacrificing, even when its difficult. Having children, unfortunately, doesn't make decision making easier. It actually makes it harder. You are no longer only affecting you and a spouse, but someone who cannot fend for themselves.
I don't know if there is anything in life I hate more :)
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