Stronger

Today I experienced some extreme emotion stirring, some questioning about how I feel deep down inside myself. I feel like I'm turning into such an angry person. I've worked so hard for so long to turn turn the energy it takes to be angry and putting that energy into my relationship with God. Finally at 20 years old I figured out that if I work on my relationship with God that He will help me be able to control my anger. All of a sudden I'm in a place where I feel so out of control that my anger is creeping back in. I realized today that when I let anger creep back in I'm allowing Satan to have a stronghold in my life. It turns Kenny from being my teammate into the opponent. Unfortunately for him, my "wrath" gets unleashed on him. I know that he doesn't deserve it, but it never fails that you unleash on those who love you most. I know that he will love me unconditionally so I'm not afraid for him to see this ugly, dark part of myself.
There are so many things I'm dealing with emotionally, physically, situationally... I'm someone who always needs a challenge that can be overcome. I need hurdles that I can jump successfully. I'm finally overcoming my physical problems and getting my body back. I know that once I mend my relationship with God my emotional problems can be overcome. Our situation; however, I do not have any control over. It involves more than just myself. I can't just do what I need to do and what I think is best. Kenny and I have to be a team, we have to work together, communicate and make decisions together about what is best for our family. It is so hard to take two very independent, strong-willed, passionate people and make them one. I have to let go. I have to hand the reigns over (or at least one of them) and make decisions with two other people in mind, and WITH one other person.
One thing I know that will make this all okay is that God has been, will always be with me through every step of it. I know that he will guide me and my family. He will help us make the tough decisions and he will reward us for trying our best to bring Him honor and glory through everything. He has already shown us through Asher that His timing and His plans are impecable and that we have every reason to trust Him. We are doing our best to trust Him and follow Him as a pair, but first we have to take the "I" out of "team".
On a last note, I hope that this song will speak to someone the way it spoke to me today.

SO Beyond Blessed <><